Monthly Archives: June 2016


So I received this challenge to answer the following questions about me… If you ever were lurking somewhere and wanted to get to know a few more things about me, here’s your chance! A bit lengthy (100 questions!), but yeah. And maybe you can also do it yourself, or challenge other friends.

1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Ehh… Closed, because paranoia is real.
2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from the hotel?

Sometimes, if I like the smell of them. And all other goodies that hotels give.
3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

Out, definitely. How else would I get to kung-fu in my dreams?
4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

Are they even stealable?
5:Do you like to use post-it notes?

6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

Only when Nakumatt used to have them on the back of their receipts.
7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

Is that bear a teddy?
8:Do you have freckles?

No. But I find them amazing, unique. Probably have wished to have them sometime…
9:Do you always smile for pictures?

I don’t usually know what to do in front of the camera…
10:What is your biggest pet peeve?

People that don’t get it. You know the kind? They just don’t get things, and I am not very fond of repeating things.
11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

Count steps, not step on lines in the pavement, count seconds… That’s right up my alley.
12:Have you ever peed in the woods?

13:What about pooped in the woods?

I have contributed to the dispersal of guava seeds in rural Western Kenya.
14:Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

Oh yes!
15:Do you chew your pens and pencils?

Another pet peeve…
16:How many people have you slept with this week?

17:What size is your bed?

3 x 6? Campus bed… the one at home is a 4 x 6 (Juliani fans, anyone?)
18:What is your song of the week?

Jesu Rato La Hao by Joyous Celebration
19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

20:Do you still watch cartoons?

Cartoons give me life man.
21:Whats your least favourite movie?

Horror films… wouldn’t touch them with a ten-foot pole.
22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

When I was a child, I would run around the compound and imagine I had treasure to hide, but I never really did get round to doing the hiding. So now? I still don’t think I’d know.
23:What do you drink with dinner?

Tea. With dinner, and with everything else. #maragoli
24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Salt… Ketchup… BBQ sauce… Chili… Sweet and sour… Whatever is provided.
25:What is your favorite food?

Wow… For the longest time it’s been rice and beef stew… Maybe nice, dry-fry tilapia with ugali and lemon?
26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

Ha! Pitch Perfect. Confessions of a Shopaholic. Any movie with Captain America. and Wolverine!!! Gladiator. Transformers (if Bumblebee asked to marry me I’d say yes.) STAR WARS!! Guardians of the Galaxy. The Age of Adaline. The Notebook. Legally Blonde. Music and Lyrics. Notting Hill. Any other Hugh Grant. The Hunger Games. Any Drew Barrymore. Sweet Home Alabama. Breakfast at Tiffany’s. HSM. OMG and I have not even started on the animations!!! The Book of Life. HT. The Lego movie. Legend of the Guardians. Rise of the Guardians. How to Train Your Dragon. Rio. Madagascar, and its spin-offs. Brave.

***These are actually (mostly) the only movies I watch, over and over.
27:Last person you kissed/kissed you?

Daisy smooched my cheek for a selfie ❤
28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

Yes, for 3 weeks!
29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Last week.
31:Can you change the oil on a car?

I don’t even know where that is done.
32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

Cannot drive.
33:Ever ran out of gas?

In a matatu, yes.
34:Favorite kind of sandwich?

Cheesy, and meaty!
35:Best thing to eat for breakfast?

Cornflakes!! Weetflakes!!!
36:What is your usual bedtime?

11:00 pm.
37:Are you lazy?

38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

In whose house? Riswaa!
39:What is your Chinese astrological sign?

40:How many languages can you speak?

English, Swahili, Maragoli, bit of French, bit of Kikuyu… written German, as well? And some snippets of Spanish. Greek too… but very little.
41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

Everything is awesome…
43:Are you stubborn?

Mules are stubborn like me.
44:Who is better…Leno or Letterman?

I don’t know those people that well.
45:Ever watch soap operas?

Haha! Yes! But not any more… Amongst all the ones I watched, the Brazilian ones were bomb. Shades of Sin, A Love Story India…
46:Are you afraid of heights?

I hide it very well.
47:Do you sing in the car?

I sing everywhere.
48:Do you sing in the shower?

Like I said…
49:Do you dance in the car?

Oh yes!
50:Ever used a gun?

Water gun.
51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Are passport photos portraits? Sometime this year…
52:Do you think musicals are cheesy?

53:Is Christmas stressful?

Getting all the little ones to church and back, yes…
54:Ever eat a pierogi?

What is that?
55:Favorite type of fruit pie?

I don’t really eat those…
56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Ha! A pediatric cardiologist, chef, secretary….
57:Do you believe in ghosts?

58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Weekly-monthly basis…
59:Take a vitamin daily?

Technically, my body synthesizes Vitamin D daily… or something like that.
60:Wear slippers?

61:Wear a bath robe?

I once had this blue satin-y one… Though it was more of a dressing gown than a bath robe.
62:What do you wear to bed?

A dhera
63:First concert?

Can’t remember…
64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

NAKUMATT!!!!! Nakumatt is my happy place…
65:Nike or Adidas?

66:Cheetos Or Fritos?

67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

69:Ever take dance lessons?

From Wacuka, in high school. Expert choreographer!
70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

If he’s not a doctor, all my medical puns will be wasted!! But then, on a serious note, I don’t know. Doctors get extra points, still.
71:Can you curl your tongue?

It’s in my genes baby!
72:Ever won a spelling bee?

Oh yeah!!! Twice.
73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Story of my life…
74:Own any record albums?

75:Own a record player?

76:Regularly burn incense?

77:Ever been in love?

78:Who would you like to see in concert?

Christafari. Jars of Clay. JOYOUS CELEBRATION!!! ABBA. 30STM. J Monae. P!NK.
79:What was the last concert you saw?

80:Hot tea or cold tea?

Cold tea.
81:Tea or coffee?

82:Sugar or snickerdoodles?

What are snickerdoodles?
83:Can you swim well?

84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

85:Are you patient?

Yes and no… it’s very relative.
86:DJ or band, at a wedding?

87:Ever won a contest?

88:Ever have plastic surgery?

I’ve been in theatre during a plastic surgery, but not on the table.
89:Which are better black or green olives?

90:Can you knit or crochet?

Yes to both
91:Best room for a fireplace?

Is there a room like a cosy room?
92:Do you want to get married?

93:If married, how long have you been married?

In my mind? To Bumblebee/Captain America??
94:Who was your (HS) High School crush?

Hey Mo!
95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

No, but that doesn’t mean I’m not passive-aggressive.
96:Do you have kids?

Not yet…
97:Do you want kids?

In high school I wanted 13
98:Whats your favorite color?

Green. Blue. Black. Red. White. Gold. Yellow.
99:Do you miss anyone right now?

100.Something that happened to you in middle school.

8-4-4 equivalent? Upper primary-ish? That’s all vague to me…


So yeah, that’s a bit of me. We’ve barely scratched the surface, but it’s a start.

XOXO, and peace!

Wh… What?

I know that the problem I am having and facing currently can only be solved by God. And yet, I cannot bring myself to ask for his help. Because I feel like He had a role to make sure I do not end up in this place, and he let me down. Because, why did he allow the many unfortunate situations that led up to me being in this place to happen? Because, why do I always end up in the same place? A place I do not want to be in, over and over? A place that is more than just raw emotion, where my cognition is twisted and the morbid and bizarre become cool to me, and I suddenly want to be engulfed in darkness? A place where the only people that can get to me in are Sheeran and 30STM and P!NK and Creed and the Script?

I do believe, I believe that Jesus is Lord, that he has authority over everything, and that he is coming back. I do wait in joyous anticipation (at least when I can afford it) for that day, maybe more so because every tear will be dried and I won’t have to feel like this, and I will rejoice in my Father. Oh yes, how I do wait for that day. But now, I feel like I do not even believe. Like that man in the Bible said to Jesus, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.” His child had been plagued by an evil spirit for long, and he believed that Jesus could cast it out… but he needed his unbelief helped. Isn’t that the situation my funks land me in all the time? And how does the Lord come through for me in such? I honestly feel like I have to be a certain way, to think in a certain way, to be helped. But that also feels like I actually am saving myself, only giving God the ‘glory’, so to speak. Like, yes, I followed religion, read  my Bible daily regardless of what I feel, prayed to my ceiling, and that the following of practices and norms and rituals got me to a place where I feel sufficiently happy with myself, and so I end up thinking that God has indeed saved me from my funky episode. On and on, until the next episode, which will then have me wondering whether or not really God had any role to play in this.

You see, this is my dilemma. I do not feel as though God can relate with me in this place that I am in right now. Yet, I also cannot let go, because, like Peter said, “To whom shall we go Lord, you have the words of eternal life.” So what does a tree that is not sure of its absorption of the living waters go to next? Where does the hungry man that does not see where the bread of life is go? And how does the 98th sheep explain to the rest of the flock why it is always feeling lost, despite the good pasture and watering holes and security it has always received, that it is lost despite not taking any of these for granted? Even though it has never gotten to sheep 100’s level of lost, although maybe that is what is needed, for the shepherd to go out and get it in a way that shows it is the one that was being deliberately looked for? That if, indeed, Jesus is the answer to everything, and his joy is the strength of our lives, then where does the Christian battling depression, anxiety, personality disorders – where does this person go, without sounding like a heretic? How does this person express their lostness, their dismal outlook, their raw, unedited emotion, without uttering a blasphemy? How does such a person stare into the deep, unending abyss, contemplate a state of non-existence, and still somehow fit in the flock? How does such a person, with self-inflicted cuts and bruises, and dead afraid of social interactions, distance themselves from others – blatantly disobeying the exhortation to not give up meeting together, and still be okay? How does a person like this, who is always encouraged to ‘pray it away’, pray? Or to ‘meditate on the Word’, when their mind is stuck in a state of rumination, think of scripture? When all the other well-meaning sheep encourage them to ‘find their comfort in the Lord, for his yoke is easy and his burden light’, yet they’ve been yoked for so long, so heavily, that they are one with the yoke? That they are the burden, at least in their sight? How does such a person ‘die to self’, when they cannot even find the self to kill? When the good book assures them that ‘they died, and their lives are now hidden with Christ in God’… how do they know that this is for certain, for real, when they feel like all they did is die, and that all that surrounds them is dark, black oblivion? How do you trust when you have been consumed with despair? Where do you begin to find hope, when all you are wallowing in is defeat and helplessness?