I’ve seen a lot in my life
And of late I think I am going mad
I thought it was all gonna be a joke
That I would close my eyes and it would all disappear,
But now I have just realised
What a fool I have been
All this while thinking of something
And never letting you know
So I planned to tell you tonight
That’s why I called us a date
And as you walked in I thought
That I was gonna lose my mind –
That is, if I already hadn’t…
I pulled your chair and you sat
And I sat – across the table
Your glassy eyes stared at me
In that special way you’d always do
When thinking or trying to figure out something…
Then we ate – and boy don’t you eat!
And as we ate we made small talk
How your day had been
And how mind had been
Then you smiled big
And as you always do – did
Waited for me to ask why
And when I did – Oh God!
I didn’t know what happened
I don’t know if you noticed
But my eyes – they faltered
And stared at you still…
You asked if I had plans
And I gave a couple of vague statements.
We went back to the flat
And I forlonly went to bed…
I guess it hit you later
That I hadn’t ordered takeout
But had taken you out
And I was all dressed up
‘Cause that’s when you woke up, and damn!
Why do you always have to be so considerate?
I heard you tiptoe out of your room
And I heard you pause at my door
Then you went to the living room
Straight to the rack, and frisked my coat –
I guess you felt it, because you gasped
And yes, I was watching you.
I watched you extract it
Your delicate fingers trembling
I heard your gasp
Then a sob catch in your throat…
If sense had prevailed,
I would have gone back to bed
But hearing you sob
Brought me to your side.
We held each other
And there we found solace
Until your phone rang, and
You jumped – guiltily.
Everything then was a blur, and
Afterwards, if I can remember
You tried to explain
That you had waited
For a hint. a sign, a clue
And had finally gotten impatient
And searched elsewhere.
Well, I’ll have you know
That I had always been scared
Of what might have happened,
But as they say, the greatest pain
Is not to love and be rejected
But to lose your love
Without them ever knowing.
So I guess now you know
But I have still lost you
And I’m not sure I wanna move on.
CTS 14.10.09
