All posts by crys254

About crys254

Fun. Mostly motivated. God girl. Med student. Afro kinda girl. Kenya :)

Me…. You….. Us.

There is that magical moment

That happens once in a lifetime

LIke two stars colliding in the sky…

I think I tasted magic from heaven

Right from the day I first set eyes on you.

You were everything everyone else wasn’t

And my mind saw embodied near-perfection

I wished I could get to you

To touch you – or the hem of your garment –

To see if you are really human –

Then I would go home content

if nothing really transpired.

However, or though, I hoped

that more would come to pass

That we would exchange numbers

And become good good friends

Then I would be happy – or glad.

But still, I dared to hope

That you and I would forever be

Friends, companions – and complements

That we – you and I – would hopefully

Raise our lives together

That our – yours and mine – children

Would grow surrounded

With love and care from us – daddy and mommy

That we – you and I – would learn to grow

Old – and age

gracefully, together

Sitting on a porch – the one we built together

Looking back and…

reading this

Smiling and appreciating the audacity of hope

But – alas! My heart grieves

Because I know, fully well – I know –

That inasmuch as I feel all this for you,

Although I know so little of you –

You, most probably, know –

not of my affection nor knowledge of you –

nothing of my existence.

 

CTS 2010

Advertisements

R………ead On!!!

Set a thief to catch a thief

Once bitten twice shy

Go to school and be a good girl

Join facebook and become a villain

Purple and red actually go together

Turn all the black grey then white

Windows Media Player battery:

RANDOMIZATION

 

Randomness should be a godsend gift

Words I love to hear

– THAT’S SO RANDOM

Random poetry that feels so random

A feeling, a state, a way of life that’s

random –

Of random, for random, by random

The coming to being of something

Unexpected, almost

Unpredictable

 

I like, I loathe, I hate, I love

You despise, she adores,

We all feel something

However, I question

You

I

Emotions – if they come

As hard – and fast

In flow – rate out

Found – without loss

Random –

like my thoughts.

 

CTS 14.04.2010

Let Me

Where is the child within you,

I would like to know

Where you have buried him

He that would sit and watch paint dry…

 

I look at you today

And wonder is all I feel.

You have evolved

(positively or negatively, I do not know)

But now you are this person

Who is too busy to see

The little butterfly carefully perched

Atop a flower, on a delicate stalk.

 

Where is the carefree you,

The one who threw all care to the wind,

The one who left Gucci and Versace

By the riverbank to dive in for fun…

The one who had all the potential in the world

To stop in the middle of a marathon

And swirl and twirl with no care at all…

 

You were the one who forever brought me joy

You were the one who made me happy

You were the one who taught me fun

You were the one whose smile brightened my day…

 

Now we sit across the room from each other

And you stare into space –

The laughter lines around your eyes

Are slowly turning into worry wrinkles.

Something is eating at you

Something that works worse than wormwood…

 

I would, just for this once

Love to reciprocate all that you’ve done for me, so

Let me take you and give you joy

Let me re-teach you what you taught me

That life is short and we have no time

That we should take this time to enjoy each other…

 

Let us take beautiful walks in the garden

And take our time to stoop low –

Just low enough for our noses to touch the roses

And have the pollen stuck on our noses

(you liked that, do you still?)

Let us blow bubbles and watch them soar

Up, up, up…. until they POP!

Watch the wonder on the butterfly’s face

Seeing this spherical object in its domain…

Let us lay on the grass

Watching clouds drift and pass,

making all these shapes and patterns…

Let us run in the rain without a care

Like the way a dog runs after a hare

Then afterwards we will fix our hairs –

Or should I say you shall fix mine?

 

All in all, what I am trying to say

With all these many words on limited paper

Is that seeing you happy contributes largely

To my joy and happiness and feeling of well-being.

I want you to be happy

To overcome whatever is bothering you

Because we share much much more

Than just physical belongings.

Do it not for my sake.

Do it not for our sake.

Do it for your own sake,

Then my sake will have been catered for.

 

CTS 13.04.2010

I Really Do

I thought I would sit down and write

All these things I want to say

I may not be so eloquent in my speech

Still I prefer to put my conversations down on paper

 

I believe you already know

That in this life that we live

Some people stop mattering after some time

And others begin to matter…

I guess a while has passed now,

But I do not know how you shall take it

So I write this down with no intent of telling you

Knowing that whatever course nature takes

Remains to alter my destiny,

Believing that all things work out for good,

Hoping that neither extreme is manifested,

Wishing that I could let you know,

Anticipating the reaction I may never see,

Admiring the qualities that make you unique,

Praying that you may remain the embodiment of lots,

Loving the memories of you that make me smile…

 

I guess I shall follow something I once heard,

I like you, so I shall let you go – without knowing

If we were meant to be you shall return…

But I shall also risk the consequence of this wisdom

The great pain of losing you without letting you know,

Instead of the lesser pain of being rejected.

 

Wherever you are right about now

Forever is no guaranteed eventuality,

The past is not to be dwelt on, but a lesson,

The future is not to be imagined, but a consequence,

The present is what I’m in right now,

And the state of things, clear and true

Is that I like you – I really do!

 

CTS 2010

Scylla and Charybdis (His)

I’ve seen a lot in my life

And of late I think I am going mad

 

I thought it was all gonna be a joke

That I would close my eyes and it would all disappear,

But now I have just realised

What a fool I have been

All this while thinking of something

And never letting you know

So I planned to tell you tonight

That’s why I called us a date

And as you walked in I thought

That I was gonna lose my mind –

That is, if I already hadn’t…

 

I pulled your chair and you sat

And I sat – across the table

Your glassy eyes stared at me

In that special way you’d always do

When thinking or trying to figure out something…

Then we ate – and boy don’t you eat!

And as we ate we made small talk

How your day had been

And how mind had been

Then you smiled big

And as you always do – did

Waited for me to ask why

And when I did – Oh God!

I didn’t know what happened

I don’t know if you noticed

But my eyes – they faltered

And stared at you still…

 

You asked if I had plans

And I gave a couple of vague statements.

 

We went back to the flat

And I forlonly went to bed…

I guess it hit you later

That I hadn’t ordered takeout

But had taken you out

And I was all dressed up

‘Cause that’s when you woke up, and damn!

Why do you always have to be so considerate?

I heard you tiptoe out of your room

And I heard you pause at my door

Then you went to the living room

Straight to the rack, and frisked my coat –

 

I guess you felt it, because you gasped

And yes, I was watching you.

I watched you extract it

Your delicate fingers trembling

I heard your gasp

Then a sob catch in your throat…

If sense had prevailed,

I would have gone  back to bed

But hearing you sob

Brought me to your side.

We held each other

And there we found solace

Until your phone rang, and

You jumped – guiltily.

Everything then was a blur, and

Afterwards, if I can remember

You tried to explain

That you had waited

For a hint. a sign, a clue

And had finally gotten impatient

And searched elsewhere.

 

Well, I’ll have you know

That I had always been scared

Of what might have happened,

But as they say, the greatest pain

Is not to love and be rejected

But to lose your love

Without them ever knowing.

 

So I guess now you know

But I have still lost you

And I’m not sure I wanna move on.

 

CTS 14.10.09

Scylla and Charybdis (Hers)

There’s so many ways to kill a rat

Though I’ve never heard of giving it a swat

I really thought I’d make it through

Didn’t know it was gonna be this tough

 

‘Til today I don’t wanna close my eyes

“Cause that’s inviting all the memories

To come back flooding, in front of me

Tempting me to shed some more tears

 

I thought it was for the better

For us to go on and call it quits

 

I vowed once to never live in regrets

But for once I think I’m gonna…

 

I’m gonna let go and learn to feel

All that I’ve been hiding from.

If  you cared to remember something

I pray you remembered that I do not waver

In whatever decisions I make.

So as I allow this torrent to flow

From wherever you may be – know you this –

 

I do not regret and never will I

The days we shared and all we did

Knowing and growing and loving,

Letting us go when hope seemed lost,

Living in misery for a while after that,

Learning to cope with all the emptiness, and

Finally understanding, though not wholly

That what we had isn’t ever coming back.

 

If there’s something I’d like to remember

It would have to be the happy memories

The walks in the park

The photos in the booth

The popcorn and the ice cream wars

The late night texts and calls

Early morning hangovers

From yesterday night’s drinking contests

The queer look as you tried to remember something…

 

Dwell not on the sadder aspects

For therein lies manic depression.

As we both gather ourselves

And attempt to move on

I’d love to ask you

Not to live in the past.

Seek not the past in the future

Live for tomorrow

And some joy you may find.

I write this to you

Not as a dismissal slip

But as a loving reminder

that what we once had

Was very special

Though we may never reclaim it.

Keep this as a reminder

Of good times shared

Days spent on this earth

When you existed –

One, yet two.

 

So take your time and move along

Lemme be a memory to you

One that brings a faint smile.

Let this be a reminder

Of the joys and the woes

Of a careless love

Of a distant past

Of the choices we make

Of the life you’ve lived

Of the depth of your love

Of the pain of heartbreak

Of what we once had

Of what shall never be

Of who we were

Of who I was

Of who you’re gonna be…

 

Above all, do me one last favor,

An act of love, if so be it –

Don’t forget, to remember

To move on – for both our sakes.

 

CTS 12.10.09

 

Here’s to the Invisibles…

It’s cold outside…..

Everyone can see it’s been raining….

Everyone has something to say about the weather…..

Something good, something bad, a complaint, an appreciation…..

 

The windows still have dripping rivulets…..

 

On the window box in one of the ordinary houses along the streets

Sits a lone soul, a solitary soul

That has been watching the rain fall, drop by drop

As it formed little streams along the street…..

Drawing parallels to the many other little drops it hides

This here lonely soul, craving affection

Comparing the flowing streams in the streets

With those flowing down its face…….

 

The ordinary people living in the street come out, finally

And the little lonely soul watches,

Watches as the children play in the puddles……

As the boys whip out their boards……..

As the girls sit in groups and gossip…….

As the adults sit in the porches and relax……..

Another tear, this time big and heavy, rolls out…..

And splashes on the attic’s worn wooden rocker

Paving way for more….

And more……..

 

And more……..

 

This little lonely soul,

Clinging to what once was…..

When it was visible, alive…..

Hoping to be seen…..

Recognized…..

Maybe loved……

To mingle……

To feel the rain, the sun, the snow…..

To smell the rain, taste it

In the company of another…..

To join the rest…..

 

To stop being lonely….

Invisible……

 

*CREEEAK*

Yes little soul…..

That’s the attic door…..

Another child walks in, a little boy….

The soul leaps……

Happy……

Anticipating…..

 

……*wave*…..

……*harder wave*……..

……*frantic wave*……..

……*sad sigh*……..

…….*resignation to fate*……

 

“I’m always gonna be invisible….

Nobody sees me…..

Nobody understands me…….”

 

What the whole world doesn’t see and understand

Is that this very invisibility

This loneliness…..

 

was the reason this little soul

stopped being a little boy…..

 

Life was taking too much

So he took his…..

 

……and now, it was exacting its revenge.

CTS 2010

Stress Diet

 

With exams around the corner, I have found this diet to be really great in helping me manage stress and boost my concentration… You have to try it!

BREAKFAST:

1/2 grapefruit

1 slice whole wheat bread

8 oz. skim milk

 

LUNCH:

4 oz. lean broiled chicken

1 c. steamed zucchini

1 Oreo cookie

Herb tea

 

AFTERNOON SNACK:

Remainder of Oreo package

1 qt. Rocky Road ice cream

1 jar hot fudge

 

DINNER:

2 loaves garlic bread

Large pepperoni pizza

2 Milky Way candy bars

Whole frozen cheesecake, eaten directly from freezer

 

Helpful Hints:

  • If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
  • If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.
  • When eating with someone else, there is no need to count calories if you both eat the same amount.
  • Food taken for medicinal purposes, such as hot chocolate, toast, and Sara Lee cheesecake, never counts.
  • If you fatten up those around you, you will look thinner.

 

Hahahaha!

Smiley, Kendra K. (2012-06-28). Live Free: Eliminate the If Onlys and What Ifs of Life (p. 57). Moody Publishers. Kindle Edition.

I Need To Go

“Please explain it to me. I don’t understand.”
“I… I…. It’s rather hard to …. To….. I dunno…”
“C’mon! There’s gotta be something… an explanation…. A reason why you just woke up someday and decided to end this…”
“I told you I can’t tell, really – it just – just doesn’t…”
“Doesn’t what? Doesn’t feel right?”
“Ummm… not exactly…”
“Come on! What’s with the unsure act? You told me it’s something you do, but I’m starting to think you’re using it as a shield… to – to hide…. Look at me! Look me in the eye!” As he said this, she turned her head away to hide her tearing. “LOOK AT ME!” he yelled, jerking her head so she was facing him directly. “Tearing now, are we? Aren’t you a special one…” he mocked, in part to hide his surprise at her state.
“Nick… I – I need to go. Let go.”
“leaving already?”
“Please.”
“Like hell you’re leaving. You’ve still got a lot to answer, THEN you can leave.”
“Nick please…”
“Answer me Toni! Doesn’t what?!”
“Nick, it’s complicated. I already told you. Just… just…” Her voice faded as she felt a huge tear roll down her left cheek. “Please,” she whispered.
Nick let go of her and looked on in disbelief. She was looking at the ground, arms clasped together, biting her lower lip towards the left side. He’d been with her long enough to recognize that look, although recognition and acceptance were two different things altogether.
“Okay Toni, talk to me. Please. Help me understand why.”
Silence, another tear.
“What did I do wrong?”
Silence.
“Is there someone else?”
Nick was getting desperate. She knew this but… At this question, she actually semi-rolled her eyes through the tears. This was getting hopeless… She couldn’t speak, what could she say anyway? That she didn’t have a solid, speakable reason as to why she was leaving a perfect guy? He would deny that, say he is flawed, but he was perfect for her. Perfect. What would she say? That it was right, it felt – even looked right, but something in her gut told her to walk out? He was desperate, she was frustrated, so she raised her face and looked him in the eye. Directly. The gaze lasted long, then she raised her palm to his cheek oh-so-gently and held his face, using her fingertips to explore it one last time and to commit him to memory. Then she turned and ran, hailing the first taxi she met.
She had told him, in her own way she had.

So I found this when going through my old pieces… I really wish I had finished it. It should have made for an interesting read, but unfortunately, it is all we have for now.

Peace and love
XO

The Wrong One

By Jamike Ekennia-Ebeh (Nigeria)

What do you do when the wrong one loves you?

When the wrong one cares and thinks about you

What do you do when you make the wrong one fall?

When the one you don’t want comes to answer the call

What do you do when the wrong one seems perfect?

And the right one is wrong, no hold, no prospect

 

What do you do when the wrong one is there?

Always ready and helping and loving and fair

What do you do when the wrong one loves you right?

When they’re ‘right’ in your heart but ‘wrong’ in your sight

What do you do when the wrong one brings it all?

But the right one does nothing to even try to make you fall

 

What do you do when the wrong one makes sense

Starts making you dream and feeling all tense?

What do you do when the wrong one is right

Do you accept the fates or take them to fight?

What do you do when you love the wrong one too

Because the right one never came and the wrong one loved you…

 

You can find more of his work on his blog … where I just spent the past maybe 4 hours or so, going over posts as far back as they go (The stalk is strong with me…).

Cheers, and see you soon.

Love and hugs.